So, I’m not one for New Years’ resolutions, but in years past, I have chosen a “word” for the coming year. I spend time praying about what that word might be, claim it as a mantra for the next twelve months, if you will. As the end of 2024 drew near, I found myself struggling to commit to a word. To a mantra. To what I had done before.
So, for 2025, I chose to do something a bit different. I thought about all the things I “should” do, things that I have told myself “that’s a good idea, you should incorporate that into your daily practices” but had failed to do consistently. You too? It can’t just be me! So, I knew it needed to be simple and I knew that it needed to be sustainable. And the best part? It’s really turned into a spiritual practice that’s aided in my nervous system healing journey.
I bought this journal with 365 pages and I started a new daily practice that I call my “51515”. Here are some of the questions I asked myself to help develop this new daily routine:
- Where can I shift my thinking?
The saying goes that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting things to change is the definition of insanity. So, if I wanted 2025 (and beyond) to be different, to aid in my growth journey, I was going to have to shift my thinking. I remembered an exercise that I had done in a small group at a ministry conference I attended years ago. We were asked to pull out a pen & paper and for 5 minutes, we were asked to simply allow ourselves to be open to what God might share with us. To quiet our own petitions & thoughts and make space to actively listen. What did God want us to hear? We often spend more time TELLING God what we want or need help with, but this simple exercise allowed us the freedom to simply listen and write our stream of consciousness.
Now, I will be honest & say that, at the time, I was a little annoyed. This is stuff I can do at home, “where is the tangible take home wisdom from the conference?”, I thought to myself. Always being open to new things, I tried it and found that it was a beautiful exercise in listening for what God had to say ABOUT me TO me. Can I see myself the way God does? So, I tried this exercise again a couple of evenings before bed during my prayer time back in December. “God, what do you want me to hear? What reminders do you want me to carry with me each day?”
The First 5
Born from that conversation & writing came 5 affirmations that I write each evening, my first 5 of the 51515. These 5 sentences are static, they never change day to day, they are simple reminders of positive thinking & a celebration of who I am. Each of these 5 start with the same “I”. I deserve good things. I have everything I need within me etc. And you might wonder, isn’t that rote? Routine? Yes and. And it’s my prayer that they become so rote and routine that my mind & heart accept them as truth without pause or hesitation. I speak them aloud each day as I write them and I often find myself throughout the day, thinking of those statements when I am frustrated or hard on myself or even when I’m saying a short, quiet prayer. “God, I am scared” or “God, help me to not lose it on this person” (listen, I’m nothing if I’m not real. iykyk.) And my next thought is often one of those 5 simple affirmations that remind me of who I am and the journey I am on.
- What Am I Feeling?
Seems so simple, right? Not for this feelings averse person! I’m only half joking when I say that I idle at angry. It’s the easiest, most accessible feeling I have & I often confuse it for others. Injustice? Fuming. Someone hurt my kids? Furious. Bad driver on the road? I’m pissed. Does this mean I walk around all day with a scowl & a bad attitude? No, of course not. Because when I take the time to scan my body, feel my feelings and develop the emotional language to identify what I’m really experiencing, it’s often not anger at all. It’s frustration. It’s vulnerable. Or determined. Or overwhelmed. Any number of other feelings I am becoming acquainted with.
The First 1
Back to my journal and the first 1 in the 51515. I write “How I feel” and challenge myself to write 1-2 descriptors for my day. What 1-2 feelings am I experiencing in this moment or did I experience earlier in the day? This prompts me throughout the day to check in with myself and ask “how AM I feeling right now?” knowing that I have a space to be accountable for that during my quiet time. I bought a feelings wheel that I keep handy that helps me navigate emotional language so I can move beyond mad, sad & glad into more genuine, nuanced feelings that are more true and more accurate. I’m learning to question when I feel anger at the surface, is that really what this is that I am experiencing in my body? Connecting my emotions to my physical self, the sensations I notice in my countenance, continues to be work I embark on.
As I mentioned in my previous post, I have been pushing through pain for decades. It’s easy for me to not notice when my shoulders are tense, my jaw is clenched, my stomach is in knots and never attribute those to any emotions I may be feeling. Stomach sick? I assume it must be something I ate earlier in the day, couldn’t POSSIBLY be anxiety or fear or any other number of emotions (insert side eye). This has been a critical piece of healing my nervous system and also one of the most challenging.
- What Am I Grateful For?
This one should be a breeze, am I right? There’s so much to be grateful for each day. Except when someone experiences chronic pain and the nervous system is on the fritz, it can be a challenge not to move through the day in a way that numbs not only the physical sensations of the body & mind, but of the spirit.
The Second 5
And so, the next 5 I write each day are 5 things that I am grateful for. They aren’t necessarily “things”. They can be moments, actions or experiences, but I challenge myself to list 5 small things that I am grateful for. They cannot be big things or even people, because those are easy to spot and record. If I did so, each of my 3 children would take a spot on the list. No, I search throughout my day for small things, sometimes not even noticeable things to the naked eye, that I can be grateful for.
So instead of writing my daughter’s name, I write that I’m grateful she called to share something with me. Instead of writing an outing with friends, I will write laughter that makes my belly sore and friends who really SEE me. I find that this practice helps me anticipate gratitude. It also deepens my prayer life as I give thanks to God for those blessings throughout my day. Thank you, God, for bringing people into my life who believe in me and take time to celebrate my growth. Thank you, God, for helping me see that frustration as a gift that uncovers the work I need to do on myself and deciding what is mine to do.
- How Am I Taking Care of Myself?
I work full time, I have three children, I am a committed volunteer to causes that are important to me. Time is the most important resource I have each day and how I spend it matters. It’s not unheard of for me to spend an entire day moving from one thing to another, from dropping a kiddo off at school, to working a full day at the office, to helping with homework to making dinner, to taking care of my home or yard to putting in volunteer hours to bedtime routines and…and…and… suddenly, I am collapsing into bed to do it all over again the next day. Again, numbing myself in the day to day instead of being fully present and in my body. You know the drill. Hello, adulting! It wasn’t all it was cracked up to be when I was 17 and thought adulthood was some magical land of freedom & ease.
The Next 1
So, it was important to me to be accountable this year to myself in taking care of myself spiritually, emotionally & physically. This next spot in my journal is dedicated to acknowledging how I took care of myself throughout the day and to be honest, some days are better than others. Progress, not perfection. I am accountable to myself to take care of myself in at least one concrete way each day. This can be an Epsom salt bath (the magnesium helps with my muscles), saying no to something that I really want to say yes to, but that will eat up what little margin I have. Maybe it’s making that long delayed doctor’s appointment finally, or spending time with a good book & leaving the dirty laundry for another day. It may be whatever I feel is caring for myself- mind, body, soul.
I am a natural “doer” so I must be careful not to convince myself that doing replaces care! I could easily convince myself that doing the laundry will care for tomorrow Heather but today Heather also needs care. This section is a minimum of 1 tangible, small thing that helps rewire my nervous system to know that slowing down and caring for myself is a worthwhile endeavor.
“In today’s rush, we all think too much, seek too much, want too much, and forget about the joy of just being.”
Eckhart Tolle
- What Does Life Look Like 10 Years From Now?
Ever been asked some version of this question in an interview? Worst question ever. I always answer with a sincere and broad answer such as “I hope to be working with wonderful people making a difference in the world and living out my purpose.” I have lived enough life at 44 to know that life throws us all curveballs and sometimes, as I tell my kids, life be lifin’. If you had asked me 10 years ago, would I be getting a divorce? Never. Or would I have a complex relationship with the Church? Couldn’t even conceive of it. I also never thought in a million years that I would be called to ministry or lead teams of people in my community. Like I said, life be lifin’.
The Final 5
But hear me out.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. So, I spent time really thinking about what’s important to me, how I want my life to look in the future. Am I content with life passing as it is or do I want more? Different? So, I think of this section as not so much a destination as maybe a pit stop because who knows where this journey will take me! I write the same 5 goals each day and begin each of them with “I am..” in present tense. Not I will. I AM. I actively demonstrate that I believe they will come to fruition. They are specific and concrete. Attainable but a stretch.
It’s important to think of these final 5 as declaratives. I am declaring what I will have accomplished in the next 10 years and I start by focusing on just one of them at a time. Ever tried to work on 5 big goals at work at one time? Each of those 5 don’t get 100% of your effort and though they may be attainable, are they done offering your best? Probably not. So, though I have 5 that I write each day, keeping them fresh in mind when things come up in my daily life, I put my best effort into one.
Maybe you set a goal that you want to double your retirement in the next 10 years but first, you want to create a stream of passive income. Those are two goals on your list. When you are making decisions about benefits at a new job, you are mindful of your goal of doubling your retirement. It’s presence of mind. You make good decisions that move you closer to the finish line of doubling retirement, but you continue to put your efforts into creating that passive stream of income. And when you’re writing those goals each day, you are more likely to pause and make decisions based on those goals instead of numbly moving through your life. When you meet that goal, you replace it with another.
My goals include education, travel, professional achievements, health & more.
In summary, that’s my 51515. One of the ways I am working to heal my nervous system.
I am.
I feel.
I am grateful for.
I am taking care of myself.
I am making plans for my future.
The first & last 5 are static (my affirmations & my goals) while the middle 1/5/1 are contextual for each day. They offer me an opportunity to reflect, to dream, to be present, to be attuned to my needs and purpose. I have found this daily exercise to be, not only helpful, but centering. It has developed into a time I look forward to each evening- a reflection on my day, yet a forward pointing arrow. A time to be in conversation with God that feels more participatory, allowing me to focus my sometimes scattered thoughts & prayers.
Is it healing my nervous system? Not by itself, no. Is it helping? I think so. I feel calmer. More attuned. More present. More in my body.
I leave you with this song by Maggie Rogers, called “Back in my Body”. She writes that this song is about her experiencing anxiety but for me, it’s been an anthem of coming home to myself. What do I mean by that exactly? That’s difficult to answer, maybe something to explore in future writing. But here are some of her lyrics:
“This time, I know I’m fighting
This time, I know I’m (back in my body)
This time, I know I’m fighting
This time, I know I’m (back in my body)
Lost you in the border town of anywhere
I found myself when I was going everywhere
This time, I know I’m fighting”
Fighting for healing, for future me and for peace.
Heather Hilbert 