New Year, New Me!

Nah, that’s bullshit.

I’m still the same complicated human being figuring it out as I go. And in part, that’s why I began this blog. Creating a place to work out things on “paper”, things I want my children to know about me and my life, what I’m learning along the way. To experience me in ways I often wish I could experience my own father, though I was born of a generation without constant video and photography.

So, I learned a New Year’s eve ritual a few years ago from a friend. As the ball drops and the clock strikes midnight, bringing with it a new year, a blank page to be written, you open your doors to let the old year out and the new year in. And I’ve always sorta pictured that as an exercise for my heart too. Every year, there are things to be left in the old year to make room for what will rush through in the breeze of another promised day and new year. As a reminder to myself, here are the things I’m leaving behind in 2023, the lessons I learned and the wisdom I carry from 2023 into 2024.

•  Giving grace is not the same thing as accepting excuses. Giving someone grace is always the kind thing. The kinder thing is to hold someone to their word. It’s kinder to YOURSELF. People make mistakes, sure. But how someone works to recover from their mistakes, their proven record of doing the work and becoming a better version of themselves will tell you when it’s time to extend further grace and when you can let go. Grace is not some endless well of looking past someone’s unwillingness to grow and I’m not watering anyone else’s grass for them anymore. I’m doing my work. You deserve my grace when I see you doing yours.
• There will always be someone threatened by who you are. How you move in the world, how much space you take up, how you carry yourself as FULLY you. You can be the most talented person in the room but if someone’s perception of you is that you’re overconfident because, well, they’re not, that’s not on you. I saw this quote and it has resonated with me, “Am I threatening or are you threatened by me?” Not the same thing. As long as I am moving in the world with good intentions, I cannot make myself any less than I am and I won’t. Period.
• Being told no doesn’t mean it’s about you. Not everything is about you.
• Quitting and setting boundaries are not the same thing. It doesn’t mean you aren’t “all in”. How someone receives your resignation to their bullshit isn’t your bag to carry. And just because someone is family doesn’t mean they get a free pass. We’re all responsible for our actions, our words and our intentions. Protecting your peace is self care.
• Healing hurts and thinking that it won’t could be your undoing. There’s no anesthesia for emotional healing. Nope, not even bourbon.
• Rest isn’t going to kill you. It isn’t spending all day in bed and it isn’t taking a day off to check things off your to do list. Learn to sit in the quiet, be still, and be fully present. 5 minutes of rest is much more nourishing to the body than 8 hours of sleep. (Though, get your shut eye, y’all. I have a love affair with my comfy bed, I won’t lie. It’s one of my favorite places to be. To read, eat, work etc.) Not being productive every minute of the day is not a waste.
• You don’t need to attend every argument you’re invited to and you don’t need to smile into the face of every disrespect you’re given. We teach people how to treat us. So, get out of your pencils and paper, students.
• My relationship with my body is more than what weight I am and how confident I am in my own skin. It’s also honoring what my body has done and will do each day. To think that I could ignore my body’s needs, push through chronic pain and keep going at 1,000 mph was insanity. That wall I hit was a painful one. The body really does keep the score.
• It doesn’t have to be like it was for anyone else and no one else needs to understand it. How my parents divorced doesn’t have to be how I honor the marriage I am leaving with my best friend. We all get to write our own story.
• Someone else’s disappointment in your choices isn’t the tragedy you think it is. Behind every disappointment about someone else’s life is a person who is judging the scenery from 1,000 miles away. It’s just a blurry blob for them. Your perspective is what matters.