Why I Share So Much

If you have read my blog previously, you know that I value vulnerability and I work hard at it. Someone recently asked me why. “Why would you put yourself out there like that?”, they asked. And I suppose the answer is that I don’t know that it occurred to me not to be vulnerable. I’m vulnerable in my personal life, too. Much to others’ dismay.

Remember when you were in elementary school and there was a team captain for each side? The captains call one name after another, alternating turns, at choosing the most valuable players for dodge ball. Who could run the fastest? Throw the furthest? Who is most valuable to my own success?

Today, it’s no different. We’re out in the world, living life… working jobs, dating, raising kids, asking ourselves “what is the least amount of risk for the greatest reward?” and “what story can I write that presents the best version of myself?” You know what I’m talking about. Only sharing the highlights reel and only staying on the surface for fear of judgement.

So, today, I ask you…isn’t that shit EXHAUSTING?

It takes soooo much energy to even APPEAR at having it all together, to rewrite our narratives again and again, depending on the audience. That’s energy that could be spent on personal growth, helping others, changing the world…not changing the way the world sees you.

The mom whose life is falling apart who really says how she’s doing instead of the textbook “I’m good, you?” when asked? She’s my people.

The guy who shares something valuable and personal in a meeting that stretches the rest of us but makes us a little uncomfortable? He’s my people.

And the one place I expect to see this is exactly the place I don’t.

The local church.

And I’d suggest that the reason the Church (big C) is dying is in major part because of it.

Because if they can’t see the messy, unpolished, imperfect Heather who leans desperately into her relationship with Jesus, why would they ever want to get to know a messy, unpolished, bloody Christ who died on the cross?

If we Christians have it all together, what’s the point? I ask that sincerely.

Why would anyone take a chance on God’s story of redemption, grace & mercy when we make it look unnecessary? And more importantly, why would they want to?

Sit with that a minute, will you?

Ok.

Back to the question posed. Why do I openly share as much as I do?

Because I want to be…

Whole. Not a shell of who God created and called me to be.

Free. Free of measuring others’ expectations.

Malleable. Ready to be taught and to teach.

Expectant. Not getting distracted by things that take me away from real connection & belonging.

And I get it. Vulnerability isn’t everyone’s jam. It can be hard and downright scary.

We are afraid of what others may think or how they may see us. Sometimes, vulnerability scares us but sometimes, vulnerability scares THEM. And this crossroads at the heart of what makes a real, meaningful relationship can be exactly the place you discover who’s in and who’s out.

And me? My table is wide open. There’s a seat for everyone. The ones with questions. The ones with differing opinions than my own. The ones with sorrow and the ones bursting with joy. Everyone is in.

Just as I imagine Jesus’ table would be today.

The thing is, some may come to the table and sit for a spell.

My vulnerability may make them uncomfortable. Shift in their seats. Roll their eyes.

Some may never sit at all. Too much. Too loud. Too bold.

But they’re simply welcome to find another table. No hard feelings. Go with God.

Please give up your seat to those that embrace my intensity. Those who embrace my questions, like they are their own. Those who can lay on my bathroom floor with me when it’s been a tough day. Those who have seen me at my most vulnerable and never use it as fodder.

Those that stay at the table to do the hard work of being vulnerable with me are exactly the ones I want to build authentic relationships with. That’s my tribe.

Listen, I may not be invited to your table. No hard feelings. You’re not my people. Do you, boo.

But we WERE created for connection. Find your people. That’s the reward. Real, true connection looks a hell of a lot like friends in pajamas, eating once warm food, laughing until we nearly pee ourselves one minute and crying together in sorrow the next. It looks like secret sharing. Asking hard questions. And calling each other on our bullshit.

So, when I share on this blog about things I’m learning, experiencing, thinking…

It is a gift to myself.

I’m not exhausted.

I’m not making myself small for someone’s comfort.

Your reaction to my being vulnerable has nothing to do with me.

I’m sharing my heart, messy & untidy as it may be, in hopes that others will feel safe to do so too.

And that is my gift to the world.

My story.

God’s greatest gift to the world was His son AND His story.

And if we want the world to look more like Jesus, we better start sharing our stories and pointing people to His.

“Be so completely you that everyone else feels safe to be themselves too.”